Three Types of Behavior: Myth or Fact?

Three Types of Behavior: Myth or Fact:

People in general, and especially children, thrive on attention. Children will bide for attention even if the attention they are getting is negative and disapproving. This is a fact that all people who deal with kids will hold as an absolute truth. In fact, kids who try to avoid attracting attention, generally are actually begging for someone to notice them. 

Getting attention, is directly connected to the responses we elicit through our behavior. Lets discuss what types of behaviors there are so we can better understand why children behave and misbehave because of their desire to get attention.

People categorize behavior into three categories: Positive, Negative, and "suppose to." Positive behavior is when your child does something that has positive outcomes, fits into social expectations, and follow the rules and expectations that their parents, teachers, etc have for them. Negative behavior is seen as doing something that is harmful to ones self, someone else, or someone's property, and is against the desires of what is expected from the child's authority figure(s). Suppose to behavior is a category in between. It is not seen as being either positive or negative, a sort of "neutral zone" for all you Trekkies out there. Problem is, its a myth!

When a child does what he is "suppose to" he is actually being good. For example, sleeping is generally seen as a neutral behavior. However, put it in a social context: in bed at night, or in class during school. Now it is no longer neutral.  He or she is having a positive or negative day depending on the context. The problem lies in how they get attention and for what behavior. 

It has been scientifically proven that people respond better to getting positives, than negatives. So at work, one may take on additional projects if told how much their efforts are appreciated than if one is criticized for being 5 minutes late. Children respond in the same way.  The following experiment should be done by all parents, even if their children behave well most of the time.

Find a day when you will be home with your child most of the day. Take a large pad of paper and list every behavior your child does from the moment they wake to after they go to bed.For example woke up, went to bathroom, flushed, washed hands, dried hands, brushed teeth... get it? At the end of the day, after you have used up several pens and two reams of paper, put a + or - sign next to each item. Remember, there are no neutral behaviors. Parents with the most horrific acting out children have found that there are always more positive behaviors than negative ones. Now, the hard part: Of all these behaviors, which ones did you react to, giving some kind of feedback or response to your child? And if you could give each response a "weight" (level of intensity of your response), which behaviors  received the most responses and the most intensity? Most parents who do this exercise, state that they gave the negative behaviors the most attention both in numbers and in intensity.

Let's go back to our discussion earlier, children want attention, they thrive on it. If they get the most attention, and the most intense attention, from the negative behaviors, it follows that they will misbehave more than behave so that they are assured the attention they crave.  In fact, for those who have children whose behavior has declined overtime, it may very well be because the negatives give them more attention. 

The immediate solution for parents is to provide more attention to those behaviors given a positive sign and no attention, if possible,to as many of the behaviors that have negative signs. After awhile, your child will begin focusing less on getting attention negatively.

For more information on this subject, reference Instruction Manual for Your Child